Self-care may seem like just another buzzword, but at its core, it's a vital commitment to ourselves—a pledge to prioritize our well-being in our daily lives. By enhancing our self-care routines, we can see improvements in our mood, appearance, and energy levels. Furthermore, effective self-care is linked to better mental health, resulting in benefits such as increased self-esteem, optimism, a more positive outlook, and decreased anxiety and depression.

We are our most precious asset, making it crucial to support both our physical and mental health. While neglecting ourselves is not our intention, self-care often gets pushed down our priority list in the chaos of our busy lives.

The journey of self-sacrifice is frequently lined with good intentions. We often set aside our own needs to meet deadlines, help others, and show our love by going above and beyond. In doing so, we can overcommit, make promises we can't fulfill, and drain our energy without realizing how stressed and fatigued we have become.

When we feel exhausted, frustrated, and dissatisfied, we may look for quick fixes for relief. This often leads us to engage in habits that offer only temporary distraction rather than real improvement. Consequently, we might end the day feeling too worn out to rest adequately, only to wake up and repeat the cycle. The solution lies in embracing quality self-care that nurtures us and ensures we remain active participants in our own lives.

Effective self-care emphasizes nurturing and optimizing our four sources of energy: the food we eat, our sleep patterns, our breathing (or physical activity levels), and our mental state. Many experts refer to these four dimensions as the pillars of quality self-care. By incorporating quality self-care into our daily routines, we can reconnect and rejuvenate ourselves—mind, body, and spirit.

Unlike a new car that comes with an owner's manual, we lack a guide for ourselves. However, if we had one, it would teach us how to nourish ourselves with fresh, nutritious foods, avoid harmful habits, and treat ourselves with kindness and compassion while confronting negative beliefs. We would prioritize daily physical activity, practice deep breathing, focus on getting quality sleep, and engage in activities and relationships that bring us joy and a sense of connection.

Relationship satisfaction is primarily influenced by the positive feelings each partner harbors towards the other, as well as their commitment to nurturing the relationship.

Healthy relationships foster a secure and supportive environment where both partners can express their needs and desires respectfully. This atmosphere encourages regular check-ins to discuss what brings satisfaction or dissatisfaction to each individual.

Conversely, unhealthy relationships often result in power imbalances and insufficient support, where there is a lack of space, trust, or understanding needed to adequately meet each partner's needs.

When emotional, physical, sexual, or financial abuse occurs, partners may find themselves entrapped in harmful cycles.

Below are some distinguishing characteristics of healthy versus unhealthy relationships:

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships:

• Mutual Respect: Each partner values the other and respects their boundaries.

• Trust: Partners have confidence in each other and extend the benefit of the doubt.

• Honesty: Open communication strengthens trust and the overall relationship.

• Compromise: Partners acknowledge differing viewpoints and are willing to negotiate.

• Individuality: Each partner retains their identity, continuing to maintain friendships, pursue hobbies, and support each other's interests.

• Good Communication: Honest and open dialogue helps prevent misunderstandings.

• Anger Control: Healthy expression of anger, such as taking deep breaths or discussing feelings, is practiced.

• Fighting Fair: Arguments remain focused on the issue at hand without resorting to insults, with breaks taken as needed.

• Problem Solving: Issues are addressed by breaking them into manageable parts and collaboratively seeking solutions.

• Understanding: Time is taken to comprehend each other's feelings.

• Self-Confidence: Confident partners allow for the expression of differing opinions without imposing their own.

• Being a Role Model: Demonstrating respect to inspire and encourage others.

• Healthy Sexual Relationship: Partners engage in mutually enjoyable sexual activities without pressure.

Characteristics of Unhealthy Relationships:

• Control: One partner dominates decision-making, dictates actions, and attempts to isolate the other from friends and family.

• Hostility: Engaging in provocations or unnecessary conflicts, leading one partner to alter their behavior to avoid upsetting the other.

• Dishonesty: Includes lying, withholding information, or stealing from one another.

• Disrespect: Mocking the other’s opinions or interests, or damaging their belongings.

• Dependence: Feeling incapable of living independently from the other and threatening severe actions if the relationship ends.

• Intimidation: Controlling aspects of the partner's life through fear, isolation, or threats.

• Physical Violence: Utilizing force to achieve control (e.g., hitting, slapping, pushing).

• Sexual Violence: Coercing or forcing sexual activity without consent.

Recognizing the importance of respect and understanding the characteristics of both healthy and unhealthy relationships can aid in self-reflection regarding personal relationships. Maintaining open communication and ongoing effort is essential in cultivating healthy relationships and proactively identifying signs of unhealthy dynamics, which can help prevent abuse or violence before it escalates.

~ Monica Manuel, MS, LPC

Many individuals and couples struggle with determining the best time to begin couples therapy. The straightforward answer is: as soon as possible.

The Gottman Institute, a prominent organization focused on relationship research and training, has studied when couples seek professional assistance. Their research uncovers a surprising trend: on average, couples wait six years after first facing relationship challenges before reaching out for help. During this time, considerable harm can happen.

For relationship therapists, when couples start therapy after enduring long-standing issues, recovery often becomes more complex. The journey may take longer and demand addressing a larger amount of emotional hurt.

Early intervention in couples therapy brings multiple benefits. It not only accelerates recovery but also fosters the development of a deeper connection with your partner. Furthermore, early therapy is linked to improved mental health for individuals and better relationships with other loved ones, including parents, siblings, friends, and children.

Recently, there has been a noticeable shift toward couples proactively seeking support sooner. Many are now engaging in therapy even when not in distress, aiming to strengthen their relationship from a position of stability. These so-called "enrichment-seeking couples" often experience significant benefits from early intervention.

Whether you aim to enhance your relationship or have been dealing with distress for a while, couples therapy offers a constructive and supportive space for growth. Although various factors may contribute to hesitance in seeking help, those who do often find it to be a valuable choice.

Our practice empathetic and tailored therapy for all couples eager to restore and nurture their relationship while addressing past challenges and disappointments. Our philosophy embraces an uplifting perspective on LGBTQ+ identities and relationships, emphasizing how individuals who identify as LGBTQ can nurture a sense of well-being and develop a personal identity that enables them to thrive in every aspect of life.

~ Monica Manuel, MS, LPC

Remember to refresh your environment and infuse your space with peace and tranquility. Turn any room into a soothing retreat where you can unwind and rejuvenate. You can design spaces that not only look beautiful but also promote relaxation , creating a tranquil sanctuary within your home. Focus on incorporating natural elements, soft textures, and calming colors to enhance the sense of peace and luxury in your living spaces.

• Consider adding indoor plants to bring nature indoors and improve air quality.

• Use soft throw blankets, plush rugs, and comfortable cushions to create a cozy atmosphere.

• Choose calming colors like soft blues, greens, and neutrals to promote relaxation.

• Incorporate natural materials like wood, stone, and bamboo for a serene and organic feel.

• Utilize soft lighting options such as candles, fairy lights, or dimmable lamps to create a soothing ambiance.

• Introduce elements of water, like a small indoor fountain or a tabletop water feature, to enhance tranquility and relaxation.

• Opt for furniture with rounded edges and soft lines to promote a sense of flow and harmony in your space.

• Implement soundproofing solutions or play soft music to create a serene and peaceful environment that fosters relaxation.

• Add a cozy reading nook with a comfortable chair, a soft throw, and a small side table for your favorite books and a cup of tea.

• Create a designated meditation or yoga corner with a soft yoga mat, cushions, and a scented candle to encourage mindfulness and relaxation.

• Install a diffuser with calming essential oils like lavender or chamomile to fill your space with soothing scents.

• Hang sheer curtains to allow natural light to filter in gently, creating a soft and ethereal atmosphere in the room.

• Remember to personalize your space with meaningful decor items, photographs, or artwork that bring joy and comfort to your surroundings.

Don't forget to regularly update and refresh your sanctuary to maintain its peaceful vibe and continue to enjoy its rejuvenating benefits. Let's continue transforming your living spaces into serene sanctuaries where you can unwind and find inner peace!

Anxiety is a common mental health condition that affects individuals of all ages and backgrounds. It can be characterized by excessive worry, fear, and uneasiness, often accompanied by physical symptoms such as restlessness, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. Unfortunately, if left untreated, anxiety can have significant impacts on an individual's daily functioning and overall well-being. Therefore, it is crucial to consider treatment options for individuals experiencing anxiety symptoms. For individuals with anxiety symptoms, there are various treatment options available to help manage and alleviate their symptoms. When examining treatment options for anxiety disorder, you should explore which treatment options you might find to be most beneficial.

What are treatment options for anxiety?

One of the first-line treatment options recommended by clinical practice guidelines is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT includes combining cognitive therapies and behavioral therapy. Through cognitive therapy, you learn about cognitive restructuring and identify the thoughts that can cause anxiety. You'll learn to change your negative thoughts to more positive and inspiring thoughts. This helps to prevent anxiety and stress. Behavioral therapy offers techniques to help control anxiety disorders. These techniques may include relaxation exercises, exposure therapy, and problem-solving skills training.

DBT or Dialectical Behavior Therapy is primarily modeled on cognitive-behavioral therapy but emphasizes accepting unpleasant thoughts or feelings and avoiding trying to control them. Using this method clients can help them deal with the negative feelings or behaviors. DBT teaches how emotional skills should be applied to the life of everyday life. It aims at managing the emotions associated with stress and anger. DBT also helps to increase one's capacity for controlling emotions.

Mindfulness-based interventions have also shown promise in the treatment of anxiety. Mindfulness-based interventions, such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, and Acceptance Commitment Therapy, focus on cultivating awareness and acceptance of the present moment, without judgment. These interventions help individuals develop the skills to respond to anxiety-provoking thoughts and emotions more adaptively.

EMDR is another treatment option that has shown promise in reducing anxiety symptoms. EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a therapy technique that targets traumatic memories or experiences. By using bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements or taps, EMDR aims to facilitate the processing and integration of these traumatic memories, leading to a reduction in anxiety symptoms. In addition to the above-mentioned treatment options, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing has shown promise in reducing anxiety symptoms by targeting the underlying traumatic experiences. Another treatment option for anxiety is medication therapy.

Pharmacotherapy or medication therapy is a treatment option for anxiety. Some commonly prescribed medications for anxiety include selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors, benzodiazepines, and beta-blockers. However, it is important to note that medication should be used in conjunction with therapy and under the supervision of a healthcare professional.

What are holistic treatment options?

In addition to psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy, there are also holistic treatment options available for individuals with anxiety. These holistic treatment options include exercise, relaxation techniques, and dietary changes. These can be used in conjunction with therapy and medication to further enhance the management of anxiety symptoms. At Joie de Vivre we offer holistic integrative services such as, Biofeedback, Mindfulness and Hynotherapy are used to compliment your treatment and promote emotional regulation and a healthier lifestyle. One of the key advantages of holistic treatment options, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and mindfulness-based interventions, is that they do not have the potential for adverse side effects that may come with medication therapy.

How long does therapy take to help anxiety?

It is hard to predict the exact length of time it will take for you to meet your goals. While brief treatment may be appropriate for some issues, others may require more extensive treatment. Individual concerns are improved or resolved at different rates. During your initial appointment we will work to understand your needs and concerns, discuss recommendations regarding the frequency of sessions and appropriate approach for your situation.

What is the success rate of therapy for anxiety?

It's good to know that anxiety can be easily managed. A recent survey found more that the majority of patients who receive psychotherapy for anxiety and other mental conditions experience improvement.

- Monica Manuel, MS, LPC

Understanding and embracing your menstrual cycle is essential for promoting women's health and overall well-being. Menstruation, commonly referred to as a period, is a natural bodily process where vaginal bleeding occurs regularly on a monthly or specific time interval. This bleeding is a result of the shedding of the uterine lining. Having a better understanding of the 4 phases throughout your cycle can help you be a better you through this experience. Menstruation is accompanied by various physical and emotional changes that can impact women differently. These changes may include mood swings, food cravings, abdominal or pelvic cramping pain, bloating, and fatigue. Recognizing and addressing these symptoms can contribute to a woman's overall health and wellness.

To optimize women's health and well-being, it is crucial to adopt menstruation practices that cater to each phase of the menstrual cycle. Each phase has unique characteristics and requirements.

Follicular Phase: The follicular phase is the first phase of the menstrual cycle, starting from the first day of menstruation and lasting until ovulation. During this phase, hormonal levels are low, and the body is preparing for ovulation. Helpful tips for this phase include:

• Nourish your body with nutritious foods rich in vitamins and minerals.

• Engage in light to moderate exercise, such as yoga or brisk walking.

• Prioritize self-care activities like getting enough sleep and practicing stress management techniques.

• Stay hydrated and drink plenty of water to support overall health.

Menstruation Phase: The menstruation phase occurs when the uterine lining sheds and is expelled through the vagina. This phase typically lasts for a few days. Here are some tips for supporting your well-being during menstruation:

• Prioritize self-care and allow yourself to rest as needed.

• Practice gentle movement and consider activities like walking, stretching, or gentle yoga to alleviate discomfort.

• Use heating pads or take warm baths to soothe abdominal cramps.

• Maintain a balanced diet by including foods rich in iron, such as leafy greens and lean meats, to replenish iron lost during menstruation.

Ovulatory Phase: The ovulatory phase occurs around the middle of the menstrual cycle when an egg is released from the ovary. This phase is characterized by a surge in hormones, including estrogen and luteinizing hormone (LH). Here are some tips for this phase:

• Focus on self-care activities to nurture your emotional well-being, such as journaling or engaging in creative pursuits.

• Practice stress reduction techniques like deep breathing exercises or meditation.

• Prioritize healthy relationships and social connections for a positive mindset.

• Indulge in nourishing foods rich in omega-3 fatty acids and antioxidants to support hormonal balance.

Luteal Phase: The luteal phase starts after ovulation and lasts until the beginning of menstruation. During this phase, progesterone levels rise, and the uterine lining thickens in preparation for a potential pregnancy. Here are some helpful tips for the luteal phase:

• Maintain a balanced lifestyle by consuming a well-rounded diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.

• Engage in regular exercise, such as strength training or moderate aerobic activities, to support overall well-being.

• Practice relaxation techniques like deep relaxation exercises, gentle yoga, or mindfulness meditation to manage stress.

• Prioritize self-care activities that bring you joy and help you unwind, such as taking baths, reading, or spending time in nature.
  
  

  - Jamila Jamison-Neto

What does it mean when you say you enjoy life? Is it possible to enjoy life to the fullest?

Inevitable change is a fact. Change is inevitable and is synonymous with life and growth. The life we lead today is the result of the acceptance of change.

Many people spend their whole lives searching for things to make them happy, but what is joy and how can we come to experience it? We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are. We enjoy life when things are happening - this means you're alive. Here are the TOP 4 things that will genuinely help you live a joyful life:

1. Appreciate Little Things. Appreciating the little things in life means that you focus your attention on what nurtures and sustains you in life. On everything that brings you even the smallest amount of pleasure. It also means practicing gratitude by noticing these everyday things that you take for granted so easily.

2. Avoid Toxic Environment. A toxic environment is any place or any behavior that causes harm to your health, happiness, and wellbeing. If you’re around people who make you feel small, insecure, or bad about yourself, you might be in a toxic environment. If you feel a physical weight every time you walk into your place of work, you might be in a toxic environment.

3. Be Content. Contentment is generally defined as a longer lasting, but a deeper feeling of satisfaction and gratitude. Happiness is arguably viewed as having a temporary feeling attached to it. Whereas contentment is viewed by many to have a long-lasting effect on those that experience it.

4. Nourish your Body. You can’t enjoy life if you’re not nourishing your body. Little things matter more when you’re enjoying. Be exuberant about life, share this moment to celebrate small victories. Sometimes having fun with the people - we love is all the therapy you need.

A joyful life is not being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect. It is about being real, being humble, being strong and being able to share ourselves and touch the lives of others. It is only then that we could have a full, happy and content life.

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.

~Jade Asuncion

The term Positive Psychology means a lot. What is Positive Psychology and why is it important? There are some common misconceptions about positive psychology, both about what it is and what it is not.

Positive Psychology

Described in many ways and with many words, but the commonly accepted definition of the field is that positive psychology is a scientific approach to studying human thoughts, feelings, and behavior, with a focus on strengths instead of weaknesses, building the good in life instead of repairing the bad, and taking the lives of average people up to “great” instead of focusing solely on moving those who are struggling up to “normal”.

Characteristics of Positive Psychology

• Positive events and influences in life.

• Positive experiences like happiness, joy, inspiration, and love.

• Positive states and traits like gratitude, resilience, and compassion.

• Positive institutions applying positive principles within entire organizations and institutions.

Positive psychology teaches how to harness the power of shifting one’s perspective to maximize the potential for happiness in many of our everyday behaviors. Injecting a bit more optimism and gratitude into your life is a simple action that can give you a radically more positive outlook on life. Happiness also promotes more happiness.

Using positive psychology can choose our own environments and be with the people that increase our probability of happiness. The individuals who become the happiest and grow the most are those who also make truth and their own personal growth primary values.

"This is scientific proof that happiness is indeed a choice."

~Jade Asuncion

Most people cannot define their vision of love because love is a complicated matter and relationships can be challenging. However, there are proven ways to better understand how we give and receive love from others. According to Dr. Chapman, there are five primary love languages that people speak. Are love languages real, or are they a myth? Could knowing your partner’s love language improve your relationship? Let's find out.

The languages include words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Here is an overview of each:

Words of affirmation: Compliments, sweet statements, expressions of pride and appreciation – these are verbal statements that display affection.

Receiving gifts: This involves tangible items with thoughtful meaning. Gifts do not have to cost a lot of money. They simply show, “Hey, he was thinking of me today.”

Acts of service: These are actions, not physical gifts. Examples include having dinner ready when your spouse gets home from work, washing your partner’s car, giving your spouse a foot rub at the end of the day, etc.

Quality time: This involves spending time with your partner, either doing an activity or hanging out at home. Acts of service and quality time are similar in that they are both gifts of time. However, quality time involves moments together. Acts of service are thoughtful efforts.

Physical touch: This is physical affection, such as hugging, kissing, holding hands, being intimate, etc.

According to Dr. Chapman, each person has a primary and secondary love language. The primary love language is the one that resonates “love” to that person the most. A person’s secondary love language has less value than the primary love language, but it still communicates love to them.

Love languages have two sides – Giving and Receiving

How you normally give love may not be the same as how you receive love. These factors usually align, but not always. For example, I may enjoy giving gifts to others, but I do not enjoy receiving them. I may enjoy surprising my loved ones with acts of service, but I dislike surprises in return.

With that in mind, the five love languages do provide a helpful guideline for a thriving and long-lasting relationship. Understanding your love languages and your partner’s love languages can ensure that you showcase your love clearly and effectively.

When was the last time you have felt most loved? Ask your partner to do the same, and talk about the elements that are equivalent to the word "I love you". It's not gonna be easy but it'll definitely be worth it. ♥

~Jade Asuncion

We’d love you to join us and add your voice to thousands of people who are saying #itsnotok at the start of sexual violence awareness week.

Women have constantly had to endure unwanted attention from men while being ignored when we speak out against it. Its not uncommon to talk to your friends and hear about the different tactics used to avoid being harassed like walking with your keys between your fingers or being on the phone with someone as you walk out in public. Its uncomfortable to think that one of the main places we spend most of our time doesn’t always feel like a safe space. At work its not practical to be on the phone with a friend or have your guard up the whole time. You expect respect from your colleagues and treat them the same because the environment is completely different than being out in public. This should be a safe space, but then why does it feel there are times it is not?

We spend so much of our time at work that its normal to make friends and get close to people, but a lot of problems begin when boundaries are crossed. Assisting a coworker or providing your number to work on a project for example, does not grant them special access into your life or near your body. The same way coming into work, doing your job while never communicating with that person, also does not equal an invitation. Some men have taken the notion that existing as a woman also means an open invitation to flirtation or touching. The responsibility to correct this behavior does not lie with the victim. This is someone who feels entitled and their predatory behavior is something they must acknowledge and correct.

It makes sense that the fault doesn’t lie with the person being harassed, but then why are there feelings shame or guilt felt if it’s happened? We may feel we could have done something to prevent the situation or maybe we did something to provoke it. Its also common to feel powerless over what took place and unable to take back control. Your feelings are normal and valid, but remember you are not to blame for what happened. Allow yourself to accept what took place to move on with your life. Do not give in to gaslighting or pressures to keep quiet. Too many times other women have been in the exact situation and to avoid more attention kept their stories to themselves. Notify your place of work so that this situation can be addressed. Notify people close to you if you feel nothing is being done. Our voices were heard many times before, asking for our right to feel safe in a place that should already protect us from harm so allow yourself to be vulnerable to regain your peace.

Its ok to be scared about what comes next. Its also ok if you feel the need to move on from that job or just reevaluate what you want from life because even though we know it wasn’t our fault, we want a fresh start. We also hear a lot about what a victim of harassment should do to heal from a situation like this, but one thing that helps a lot is friends, family, and support groups especially since harassment could affect feelings of self-esteem. We need to do right by the loved ones who have gone through these experiences and below I have addressed some point made by Sherry Gordons article “How to Heal from Workplace Sexual Harassment,” that can help you support them.

1. Remember to give them space. As friends or family, you may want to do everything in your power to help your loved one who’s dealt with harassment by showering attention. Keep in mind they may prefer more space at this time and have set more boundaries. Respect their decision to not want an excess of attention while reminding them to keep in touch.

2. Everyone heals in their own time. Be patient. Do not let your desire for them to heal to affect their actual healing process. It’s hard to come back from dealing with harassment. Trying to speed up their process could create feelings of guilt and you do not want to make them feel like their experience is a burden on you. The harassment could then be interpreted as affecting those around them and slow down their progress.

3. Let them make their own choices. A power struggle happens when someone experience sexual abuse and it can conflict with a person’s autonomy afterword’s. They may decide that the career they were pursuing no longer interests them or decide to move. Realize that even though you may not agree with their choices this is what they need for themselves.

~Karla Morales

Suicide is a topic filled with unresolved issues, unanswered questions, voided homes and hearts, and an overwhelming sense of guilt from our actions or lack thereof.

Personally, I have dealt with my fair share losing people in my life due to suicide, however it’s the aftershocks that are usually not dealt with and are often swept under the rug. Let’s note the word “swept”. It’s important to notice the privilege many of us have to set our emotions aside with ease, and we should recognize this when supporting people who no longer can or are on the brink of exhaustion.

Suicide is no longer the taboo topic it once was several years ago as prevention methods, awareness and de-stigmatization is spread rampantly across the globe in efforts to protect and lend a listening ear to those suffering in silence. Yet, it's still a silent killer and leading cause of death in youth and the top tenth cause of death across all ages in the United States.

The real question that should be asked is how do we aid in the prevention of suicide? What are the signs? How do I empathize and effectively prevent someone who is contemplating a suicide attempt? The answers are never simple, but with proper attention and care is the difference between life and death.

Warning Signs
There are no clear cut signs to know if someone is considering suicide, which allows for this fly under the radar for many individuals. In case of the lack of clear sign, surviving loved ones often mull over what they might have missed. Either way, a combination of factors may be instrumental to the ultimate decision. Some of the most common risk factor and warning signs include:

• Mental Illness

• Substance Use

• Chronic Pain/Illness

• Social Isolation

• History of trauma or abuse

• Recklessness

• Displaying extreme mood swings

Preventative Measures
By first realizing the typical signs of someone who is considering suicide, its best to take immediate action by asking directly,

“Are you thinking of killing yourself?”

Asking this heavy loaded question causes a bit of discomfort because it's something we’d usually never talk about with someone we’d care about. However, beating around the bush in a crisis is not conducive for life-saving. Unhelpful styles of this question can vary from, “You’re not thinking of killing yourself, right?” or “Don’t kill yourself, just shake it off’. These types of approaches aren’t accommodating, and often allude to the entire situation being an inconvenience for the querent, making them less likely to seek help and sink deeper into isolation.

Other protective measures that prove to be very helpful for those in crisis include contacting providers, strong connections with family, community and social institutions and remarkable conflict resolution skills. Among many other protective measures, these core actions increase the likelihood of survival immensely. Through helping others connect with various resources, staying connected to ensure their health is improving and keeping them safe through removal of lethal objects, we all are able to save lives and prevent our loved ones from attempting suicide.

Without reference to the limitless trials and tribulations we all face on a regular basis, suicide should never be the answer. If you believe that you or a loved one is experiencing or contemplating a suicide attempt, help is available. By being alert and compassionate, we can all lessen the threat of this major public health crisis.

Resources:

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline Network

• 1-800-273-TALK (8255) (Veterans, press 1)

• Crisis Text Line - Text TALK to 741-741 to text with a trained crisis counselor from the Crisis Text Line for free 24/7 help.

• The Trevor Project (1-866) 488-738

~ Eryka Warren

Achieving a work-life balance is something we all dream of. It seems impossible as if it’s nearly out of reach, but it is a goal that’s possible to accomplish. What does this phrase, “work-life balance” really mean? In short, it is just making sure you are dividing your time in a way where you spend a healthy amount of time being concerned with work-related things and the rest of the time, doing things that you enjoy. If you wanted to take that kick boxing class at your local gym or teach yourself a new artistic medium but assumed you wouldn’t have time to because of your work schedule, the tips below may help you create and maintain a beneficial balance.

There are different things you can take into account depending on the setting and in general that can help reduce stress and use your time productively as well. At work, some things that would help manage your stress would include: setting goals, managing your time efficiently, taking breaks, listening to music/podcasts, and trying to have thorough communication with your coworkers. At home some things you can do to take your mind out of work mode are: taking a break from technology, dividing household responsibilities, don’t commit to too many plans, destress with families and friends, do things you enjoy (working out, reading, etc.) and don’t be afraid to get therapy if you think it would benefit you.

Some more general tips to reduce stress are: stepping back and being introspective, figuring out what your current stressors are and and determining which ones are outside of your control, reprioritize things in your life and relax.

In conclusion, being a “workaholic” can have a detrimental effect on your overall health. From fatigue to social isolation, having a healthy work-life balance can prevent all of the above. Achieving it is not a singular destination, but rather, maintaining a work-life balance  is a recurring journey that varies with whatever pops up in your life. As long as you’re trying your best to separate your home life from your work life once you clock out, you’re already doing well.

~Divine Ikpe

Presentation Anxiety (also known as Speech Anxiety or Public Speaking anxiety) is a type of Social Anxiety Disorder in which someone may feel nervousness ranging from manageable to debilitating in regards to speaking or performing in front of a group of people according to  Arlin Cuncic’s article “How to Manage Public Speaking Anxiety.” It is one of the most common social anxiety disorders. You may experience a general anxious feeling or you could experience various physiological reactions such as sweaty palms, dry throat and difficulty breathing, to name a few.

Why does it happen?

Humans have an evolutionary response that we acquired to protect us from predators and in modern times, those fight or flight responses get activated in anxiety producing scenarios. When stressed or anxious the chemicals adrenaline and cortisol get released and lead to shaking, a pounding heart, dizziness and more in a public speaking setting.

So how do you manage performance anxiety? Some more extensive and long term things you could do to help manage are systematic desensitization and cognitive behavioral therapy.

Systematic Desensitization is a type of classical conditioning where you imagine yourself in various fear-inducing situations and use relaxation techniques to calm yourself down. Once you’re able to calm yourself down in those fictional scenarios, you can use those same techniques in real life anxiety-triggering situations. Some relaxation techniques include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and, as suggested by Nancy Duarte in her article “Overcome Presentation Anxiety Easily with These Steps,” visualization. In addition to therapy, if your anxiety is severe enough where it inhibits your ability to function, medication could help. Always talk to your therapist first before deciding to get medicated as it is generally the last resort.

Shorter term solutions to help with presentation anxiety in the meantime, suggested by The University of Iowa’s Counseling Services, include being extra prepared for the public speaking or performance on the day of your presentation. Choosing a topic that genuinely interests you will increase your chance of remembering the material you are presenting.

Try to choose a topic that genuinely interests you (if you can) because you’ll be more likely to remember the information. Which leads to the next tip, if you’re in a general public speaking scenario, don’t script your speech. Instead, you should just write down some key points that you want to cover if you need help jogging your memory. Reading straight from a script would not be enjoyable for you or the audience. Get adequate sleep the night before, know your audience, become familiar with the venue and request accommodations if you can. Don’t eat too close in time to your presentation, dress comfortably, go to the restroom before you go on stage and bring a glass of water with you. Use humor and slow down your speech if need be. The Last step to help you prepare for public speaking or a performance is practice. Practice makes a more prepared and better you!

~ Divine Ikpe

We all enjoy the sweet nature that often comes from being with our platonic relationships and significant others, as the connection shared between one another is unparalleled. However, relationships can turn sour without proper attention to red flags that may arise. This is particularly true in codependent relationships.

The American Psychological Association defines codependency as, "a dysfunctional relationship pattern in which an individual is psychologically dependent on (or controlled by) a person who has a pathological addiction (e.g., alcohol, gambling)" and

"The state of being mutually reliant, for example, a relationship between two individuals who are emotionally dependent on one another."

This state of being can be damaging to any relationship, creating an atmosphere of disrespect, dependence and obsession. These actions often lead to unhappiness and resentment. To prevent this, here are a few warning signs that you (or your partner) may be engaging in codependency:

Low Self-Esteem and Self Worth

Feelings of inadequacy, experiencing guilt or shame, and constant comparisons are common feelings codependents share. Honoring our needs and boundaries often prevents us from being placed in tricky situations, conflicts, or being willing to engage in self-destructive or people-pleasing behaviors. Detaching from the value of other's approval and toxic perception of oneself are great ways to combat this.

Blurred Lines

Weak or the lack of boundaries is a telltale sign of codependency within a relationship. Codependents often express their objection to tolerating addiction or domestic violence behaviors within their relationships, then acquiesce when such issues come about. Allowing your partner (or any other individual) to walk all over you and constantly bending your own rules isn't helpful to either person in a relationship, as boundaries are pertinent in any connection. Some ways "blurred lines" or compliance can manifest themselves are accepting sex as a substitute for love, being extremely loyal and remaining in a harmful situation for far too long and putting aside your interests to pursue what others want.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses…

Suppose you often find yourself constantly rationalizing, taking on abusive behavior as your fault, or in denial of your partner's behaviors rather than helping them combat any concerns. In that case, you may be engaging in a codependent relationship.

Covering up this behavior is damaging and enabling such acts through can break down any relationship quicker than one can imagine. Denying toxic patterns and minimizing how you genuinely feel only continues this vicious cycle.

Codependent people often find difficulties in expressing their feelings and articulating their thoughts. Due to the overwhelming fear of being rejected, abandoned, or criticized, combined with an overwhelming need to control, codependents sacrifice the will to communicate or have undeveloped communication skills that can foster a healthy communication.

Everyone deserves love, that in its purest and healthiest form. If you happen to relate to any of these signs, help is available. It all starts with the will to repair and heal a once-wounded relationship.

~Eryka Warren

Practicing mindfulness may sound like something some of us have heard about as a tool used in therapy. There could have been times when you have tried to practice mindfulness, but possibly felt you were doing something wrong or your mental thoughts interrupting. What we can do in situations like this is break mindfulness down to make it understandable to the individual. When we think of the word mindfulness some may think of meditation or maybe some think of a definition like being conscious. I’m sure we have all heard people tell us at one point growing up, “Be mindful of others” and so what does that mean? Thinking about how others would feel, respecting others, and taking others into consideration.

Mindfulness is about allowing yourself to give you the consideration you deserve and stopping to listen to the emotions you are experiencing instead of ignoring them in that moment. You could be thinking that there’s no way you would ignore your feelings. However, many people push their feelings away just outside of their consciousness. Mindfulness centers around acceptance. Through the application of acceptance, we can find the courage to look into our feelings. We stop looking away from our emotions and confront them.

Mindfulness teaches non-judgmental observation of our thoughts and feelings in order to promote positive thinking and self-consideration. Sometimes when we get negative thoughts and feelings, we quickly jump our minds onto anything else. Some of us have even shaken our heads to make it easier for them to go away. Taking the time to think about why you may feel this way and validating those feelings can ease moments of stress that would otherwise be overwhelming.

According to Cathy Wong’s article “What is Mindfulness Meditation?” mindfulness can be practiced anywhere and doesn’t necessarily need large portions of your time. Take brief moments to check in with yourself and any sensations you may be experiencing. You can also take walks while paying attention to sights, smells, and sounds around you. It’s about being kind to yourself so don’t feel upset if you think you’re doing it wrong. If you’re mind begins to wander, accept that it did and return to whatever practice you were preforming.

~ Karla Morales

Let’s face it, we all struggle with negative self-talk. Some more than others, but we all hear that little voice in the back of our minds that either berates us, expresses deep disappointment or frustration with our actions, and flags down our every insecurity when we least expect it. We hold those so-called “truths” as fact and not for what they are: thoughts. Fleeting thoughts plague our minds now and again, but it’s essential to realize that the power remains within ourselves.

The key to combating this phenomenon is self-compassion and not giving said thoughts any more intensity or tenacity in our already stressful lives.

Upon the first actualization of what self-compassion is, we may ask ourselves, “Well, what is it?” or, “What does that even mean?” and this question is more common than I realized. Most have experienced compassion at least once in their lives, either from a parent, friend, teacher, or mentor. Those moments are a lot more precious than when we first acquaint ourselves with them. This saving grace is transformative, and practicing this method towards ourselves would amount to unprecedented changes within our lives.

Self-compassion factors in three components: self-kindness, mindfulness and common humanity -- all three of which we practice daily. The warm inner understanding, acceptance of imperfection, and balanced approach to our humanness that accompanies self-compassion is the focal point of it all. Taking a nurturing perspective, rather than critical, makes all the difference in our mental wellbeing and can improve our outlook on life and our actions.

It’s dually essential to understand what self-compassion is not, and how the initial realization is daunting and discouraging in this mindfulness journey. Dr. Kristen Neff describes this phenomenon as akin to ‘backdraft,’ “A similar process can occur when we open the door of our hearts – love goes in, and old pain comes out…. ‘When we give ourselves unconditional love, we discover the conditions under which we were unloved’ or ‘Love reveals everything unlike itself.” (Self Compassion, Neff).

While confidence and wishful thinking are ideal and the easy way out, it cheapens the true meaning of what self-compassion is. Holding ourselves accountable for our mistakes and flaws helps us elevate and rewire our thinking to bolster long-lasting pleasure in our lives.

~Eryka Warren

Depression affects cognitive, emotional, behavioral and physical functions. One of the most insidious aspects of depression is that it tricks you into thinking that nothing will help, or that the relief will be temporary thus keeping you in a cycle of maladaptive thinking, feeling, and doing (or non-doing). However, there are some simple steps you can take to cope with depression.

Take Care of Your Physical Health
Get active! It is important to get 30 minutes of physical activity daily. This can be anything from yoga, walking, jogging, walking stairs, a stroll around the block, gardening. If this is too daunting, start with 10-15 minutes a day and add 5 minutes to each day. Remember to nourish your body- make sure you eat well-balanced meals. Getting adequate sleep is important for our physical wellbeing, mental acuity, and concentration.

Take a Closer Look at Your Thoughts
Write down recurring thoughts…negative thoughts about oneself, one’s future, and the world are common; these thoughts are often distortions that feel real and often perpetuate unhelpful behaviors. By writing down these thoughts, one can begin to see the distortions a bit more clearly. Ask yourself “what is one thing that I can do right now that is good for me?”

Identify Unhelpful Behaviors and Replace them with Healthy, Helpful Behaviors
Build a sense of mastery-this involves setting realistic, achievable goals daily; rather than tackling big ticket items. Break larger items down into small manageable units. This sense of mastery will help to chip away at the unhelpful distortions.

Engage in Healthy Joyful Activities

Engaging in joyful activities from something as small as brewing a nice cup of tea, listening to a favorite song, or dancing in your own space can improve your mood in the moment and help you find gratitude in the simple things life has to offer you.

Practice Self-Compassion - Use Affirmations

Being harsh or overly critical is not helpful, give yourself some grace and kindness. Affirmations are positive reminders or statements that can be used to encourage and motivate yourself or others. They can be a powerful way to improve your overall mindset and research has shown that affirmations increase our feelings of confidence and self-worth.

Practice Gratitude

Research has found that gratitude, the act of affirming and appreciating the good in one’s life — can have many benefits. Result have revealed the many positive impacts that feeling grateful had on both depression and general mental health. When practiced over time, feeling thankful seemed to act as an overall mood booster.

Signs of Depression Include:

1. A loss of interest or withdrawal from activities that you once looked forward to — sports, hobbies, or going out with friends.

2. Depression is also linked with insomnia. The lack of quality, restful sleep can also lead to anxiety.

3. Difficulty caring for yourself, meeting basic needs or attend to daily responsibilities.

4. Persistent feeling of sadness or loss of interest that characterizes major depression can lead to a range of changes in behaviors.

5. Depression can also be associated with thoughts of suicide.

If you are experiencing severe depressive symptoms, it may be time to seek out professional help. Counseling can provide the skills and insights to overcome depression and get back to a life worth living.

At Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy we give you the tools to change negative and destructive patterns that prevent health and wellness. We provide a variety of treatment options with proven effectiveness in treating depression to heal the mind and body.

~By Jade Asuncion

College students all around America have become accustomed to online lectures for the past year and a half due to the pandemic. But as vaccine dispersal has become more widespread in this country, venues, restaurants and universities have all tried to return back to “normal” with not much hesitation. Some people have been excited to return to participating in packed indoor spaces while some are anxious about it. For people that already had anxiety prior to the pandemic, it has only added new triggers associated with the fear of getting COVID-19.

There are always a few online options for a few courses at a university, but the majority of them are generally being held in-person. So how can a person who is triggered by in-person school manage their anxiety during another surge in cases in the pandemic?

One thing to consider is your Locus of Control. Locus of Control refers to how in control you feel about various aspects in your life. Some people have a more internal locus of control (“everything is my fault”) while others have a more external locus of control (“It’s out of my hands’). In order to analyze your thoughts on your locus of control, utilize a “Circle of Control” worksheet like this worksheet or this worksheet.

Most worksheets have 3 circles: the smallest inner circle says, “most control,” the middle circle says, “some control” and the outer circle says, “least control.” The goal of the worksheet is to think about things that stress you out and rank them from most control to least control.

When I completed this worksheet I found that COVID-19 was in the “least control” ring but “whether or not I get COVID-19” was in the “some control” ring. It’s important to understand that there is not much you can do about COVID-19 other than taking measures to protect yourself and your loved ones.

Other tools to help manage both general and COVID-19 related anxiety include the “art of de-catastrophizing”. Catastrophizing is a type of cognitive distortion where the worst case scenario is thought to be true and or a problem is given more importance than it should.

De-catastrophizing is the act of analyzing those cognitive distortions and calming yourself by realizing that the problem is not as severe as you thought. That could be difficult to do in regards to COVID-19, but again if you are taking measures to protect yourself and others, the worst case scenario is unlikely to happen to you. Likewise, you can apply the same thoughts to what could happen versus what will happen.

Lastly, if you have found things in the past that helped you manage your anxiety, you can try to slowly incorporate them into your life again. For example, yoga, guided meditation, and journaling are helpful outlets for many people working to manage their anxiety.

In conclusion, go through the above tools and think about some tools from your past and figure out what works for you. Remember, COVID-19 is out of your hands so just do what you can to protect yourself and your loved one and others. Your best is good enough.

~Divine Ikpe

The portrayal of contemporary therapy practices often pushes many individuals away from pursuing, or even entertaining, the thought of therapy as a whole. This can be due to many factors, including poor experiences in the past, stigmas that frequently surround treatment, and fear! Despite the reason for feeling any apprehension in seeking out counseling, the bravery and acknowledgment of your needs is not only the first step but should be commended more often. For that reason, giving yourself grace through this new journey is essential.

Whether this is your first time seeking out therapy or you're just looking for a new counselor, this process can be fairly simple with the proper steps as follows:

1. Consultation and Payment. It’s key to have an idea of how you’re going to pay for a sessions prior to attending one. Individuals considering private pay are also entitled to several benefits that insurance does not offer, such as, reimbursement, flexibility of payments, as well nondisclosure of a diagnosis to an insurance provider.

   If you're planning to pay through insurance, it's crucial to be aware of what your insurance will and will not cover for you. Verify your out-of-pocket and co-pay amounts with your insurance company to make sure you are covered. Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy accepts Aetna, Anthem BCBS, UHC, Cigna, and UHC Student Resources. We also accept all PPO insurance plans as out-of-network providers. 

2. Explore your Resources. Therapy takes form in many mediums. It recognizes people from all occupations and backgrounds, so it's vital to research all of your options. For example, students are usually eligible for discounted therapy through their university. Many therapists are also willing to meet a client halfway through the offering of sliding scales fees, which is dependent on an individual’s monthly income. Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy offers a sliding scale to students.

3. Finding the Right Match. To make sure you're seeking out the proper care, be sure to research the right therapist that meets your exact needs. Some counselors may specialize in only a particular form of care or may only see a specific type of client based on their age, gender, relationship status, etc. Here are a few links that might help you on your search:

   • Psychology Today Psychology Today is a media organization with a focus on psychology and human behavior. The Psychology Today website features therapy and health professionals directories and hundreds of mental health blogs.

   • Therapy for Black Girls Therapy for Black Girls is an online space dedicated to encouraging the mental wellness of Black women and girls.

   • Therapy Den A progressive and all-inclusive therapist directory working with allies and partners to make meaningful change within the mental health industry and society as a whole.

   • Therapy Tribe The purpose is to help people find great mental health resources like therapists, support groups, wellness tools as well as an overall sense of community.

4. Transparency. Sometimes, we may find ourselves being unhappy with the provider we're with, and that's okay. As an individual, you're human, and at some point we are all going find ourselves in situations that may not be ideal. However, it is essential to be very honest with yourself and your therapist to transition over to someone who better suits your needs. At the end of the day, your mental health comes first, and finding the best care is the top priority.

5. Virtual Therapy. Do you have a busy schedule? Are you not comfortable seeing your therapist in person? That's alright! Virtual platforms and apps are dedicated solely to issues like these that arise. Despite your agenda for the day or what others may say about online therapy, it's just as valid and effective as in-person therapy. Here are a few places that might aid you in your search:

   • Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy offers flexible Telehealth appointments to aid in your mental health concerns and assist you on your journey towards a more fulfilling life. Whatever your goals might be, our therapists are here to be of support every step of the way.

   • Psychology Today is another resource to find the right fit for your mental health needs. Psychology Today provide a plethora of providers that willing to adhere to said guidelines and your schedule.

Whether you're coping with trauma, relationship troubles, grief, or just everyday struggles, wanting assistance and treatment for said concerns is more than valid and the best course of action. Joie de Vivre Counseling and Therapy is ready when you are. Determine how your goals align with your therapist's choice to decide the best course of action. Soon, you'll be well on your way towards better mental health.

~Eryka Warren

Achieving our goals for a lot of us is its own reward because we know of the amount of work we put into making it happen. In the process of completing a goal, many of us may feel the pressure of making sure it is done without making mistakes along the way. This could be magnified by criticisms beginning to feel like personal attacks and feelings of being overwhelmed. This can create setbacks that cause you to procrastinate more than you normally would. When putting our mind to a task, we have to keep focus and remember the positive aspects of our achievements because not accepting anything less than perfect could cause the situation to become stressful and lead you to believe it’s not worth the effort.

There are many ways to make sure you achieve your goals without adding that extra pressure to be perfect on yourself. According to an article by Elizabeth Scott in her book, “How to Overcome Perfectionism”, setting smaller goals for yourself in order to achieve your larger goal, creates more room for you to feel you are accomplishing what you have set out to do. Now not only do you have that rewarding feeling when you complete your short-term goals, but that fear of failing is minimized.

Take for example if your goal is to run your first 5K. Without listening to what your body can endure, running the 5k right off could lead to a disappointing outcome. The idea is not to start off on the day of the race. Begin with running 1K or even walking the sense of completion begins to appear as your practice ends. As you become stronger and are able to endure longer runs the 5k goal inches closer into becoming a reality. The day of the race, you’re as fast as you’ve ever been and that 5K goal that was so distant at one point is now at arm’s length.

Here are a few more important things to remember when trying to overcome perfectionism. Your aspirations are worth the effort, but that does not mean you have to endure a struggle to make sure it’s perfect. We are born with a right to be valued and respected. Talk with family or friends so they are aware of what you are going through and can help. The good thing is our lives are wonderful unique journeys and we never have to travel alone.

1. Remember you have achieved so much just to get where you are today. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves to be thankful for what we have already achieved. Repeat out loud or write down positive things that came from attempting to achieve your goals. This could be directly related to that goal or just something great that happened that day like meeting new friends. Mold a negative situation into a positive one. If you initially viewed something as a mistake, take that same situation and know you learned something new that day.

2. Mistakes happen and all we can do is move on and make the best of the situation. It can be hard to grasp that literally everyone in the world makes mistakes every day. Some mistakes can be bigger than others but if billions of people can come back from those mistakes so can you. Focusing on what could have been done takes away from what you can do. A setback or a mistake does not mean you are starting again at zero. What you gain each time is experience and if we didn’t make mistakes, we probably wouldn’t learn a thing.

3. Criticism can help us become the best version of ourselves. Sometimes criticisms can come from unwanted places or when we are at our lowest points, but criticism could also be filled with love, concern, and helpful advice. The line between helpful criticism and a personal attack could sometimes be difficult to pinpoint, but recall the relationship you have with this person, tone, and words used. Again, if you may be in an overwhelming situation another person’s opinion may be stressing but keeping an open mind for alternative options could be the solution you are looking for.

4. Starting something is the hardest thing to do and many of us have given into procrastination. Give yourself time to accomplish your tasks to avoid stress. Creating an outline or getting an idea written down is the starting point for a lot of what the world has accomplished today. Keep a calendar or a to-do list to keep you on track. Large projects may seem daunting but avoiding the situation won’t accomplish anything. If we break it down into more manageable pieces we can overcome.

5. We are human and sometimes we need guidance to help us organize. Therapy is a tool used to help you create balance in your life. It is healthy to ask for help and to want to talk about your feelings if they become uncomfortable. When noticing certain signs such as feelings of being inadequate or depression a therapist may be able to help you get through the disruptive thoughts. Staying silent and dealing with these thoughts by yourself will make it increasingly difficult to complete goals because they can make you stall or give in to pressure. Believe you can take control and take a step in the right direction to a healthy mind. You are worth all the effort.

~ Karla Morales